


Inevitable

by groundkei



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt, In Denial, M/M, Sad, Suggestive, oikawa and his pride, oikawa tries to sort out his feelings, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27398980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundkei/pseuds/groundkei
Summary: Oikawa sits awake at the edge of the bed, still naked under the white sheets, his muscles still trembling against the coldness of the room. He turns to look at Ushijima’s sleeping figure and lets his eyes memorize every corners of his face. In his wildest dreams, this is what he sees.(or, Oikawa falls in love with Ushijima)
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997266
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

> HQ Angst Week Day 4  
> Prompt: "I wish this never happened."
> 
> slightly nsfw! please read at your own risk :D

Oikawa has principles.

Work yourself to the bone, work harder than anyone else in the world and reap what you have sowed. Nurture your insecurities and turn them into weapons. Be strong, stay fierce, and never let anyone tear down your walls and break you apart. Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish. Be strong, stay fierce. Stay grounded. Protect your heart.

_Protect your heart._

His lips are soft against Ushijima’s, eyes fluttering close as he digs his fist against his chest. Ushijima is slowly pressing him up against the wall, their breathing labored yet still in sync against each other, warm and moist. No one is there to see them, not a single witness present to see two people struggling for what they really want. Grunting, Oikawa pushes Ushijima away from him, his lips parted and swollen red.

He stares at the person in front of him, eyes hard and indignant as he tries to get rid of the feeling of familiarity as he traces every corner of Ushijima Wakatoshi’s face in silence. Ushijima – no matter how young he may seem, a mere _boy_ who yearns for the same dream – is still a man to his eyes. Broad and fierce, careful and strong and rough at the edges where the sun may never shine. He is of nothing but a threat, an enemy to Oikawa’s mind, and only a mere stepping stone to his success. But his heart, his oh, so stubborn heart that refuses to listen, his heart he has always tried to desperately protect from harm, is all but safe from the dangers Ushijima brings.

At 16 years old, he has conditioned himself to hate Ushijima. Such a strong word, he knows it himself, but it was all he could ever think of to prevent himself from the pain he knows will inevitably come. He was 16 when he had decided that he hated Ushijima Wakatoshi with all of his being despite the constant thumping of his chest. Despite the trembling of his limbs whenever they touch hands before every match and the quiet stares they share after every point. His heart may be flawed, but it is sincere. Still, his hatred for Ushijima never really disappeared over the years. At 16, he loses his first kiss to his enemy, and his heart flies for its victory, but his mind, it weeps for his demise.

Protect your heart, he tells himself over and over again, in the deepest of nights within the corners of his room, he whispers quietly to himself. Protect your heart. Upon the wake of the morning, of the sky that spills yellow all across the horizon, he tells himself with a gentle whisper. Protect your heart. His mind has always known for a fact that Ushijima Wakatoshi is the enemy, but his heart – his stubborn heart that yearns, his heart that may seem like a block of stone, yet still so, so gentle – cannot seem to differentiate between good and bad. Between an enemy and a lover.

He sees Ushijima and his mind thinks of him as a person to avoid. He is resentful of Ushijima, because it is what his mind tells him to feel. But his heart, his heart that pumps blood through his veins, the reason for his existence, it yearns for the person he hates the most. He wants to know why – out of all the people he could find – it has to be Ushijima to make his heart tremble. His mind is adamant to it all, of the conspicuous stares during and after every match, but his heart swoons _every single time._ Protect your heart, he tells himself over and over again, but how will he be able to protect his heart when he’s grown to understand why people always told him to follow his heart?

“Oikawa...”

Oikawa shakes his head, visibly perturbed. He brings a had to his mouth, eyes still wide in shock. “You...” he trails off, voice shaking. “You can’t tell anyone about this!”

Ushijima’s furrows his eyebrows, his olive eyes still searching. “Oikawa...” he reaches out for him.

Oikawa flinches and quickly scurries away, still shaking his head. His mind is already telling him to go and find his team, but his heart, his stubborn and good for nothing heart, it rejoices. What would his friends say once they find out about this? That he kissed Ushijima Wakatoshi after their loss? That he liked it and wished, even for a moment, for time to just completely stop?

 _I wish this never happened,_ is what he thinks to himself after turning away from him. But really, who is he fooling at this point?

At 16, and perhaps even the years before that, he had already conditioned himself to hate Ushijima, but no one, not even him, can fool his heart so easily. Be strong, stay fierce, and protect your heart. But how?

“Are you really leaving for Argentina?”

He turns to look at his best friend, a few strands of his hair falling above his eyes as the wind swept over them in a cool breeze. Iwaizumi stands quietly beside him, leaning forward against the railings of the bridge they are standing on, quietly watching the plain scenery of mountains from afar as the sun slowly set from the west. Their skin is tainted with hues of oranges and yellows.

“Yeah,” Oikawa nods, sighing. He turns back to look at the mountains, basking under the last bits of sunlight for the day, wondering if he’ll be able to see this same kind of scenery again once he moves out of Japan. “I think there are more opportunities for me there, you know?”

Iwaizumi hums. “You’re right,” he tells him, nodding. “But what about Ushijima-san?”

Oikawa grows rigid. “What about him?” he asks, voice careful and quiet.

“Oi,” Iwaizumi turns to him, his eyebrows furrowing. “stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about, you crappy guy.”

“Hey!” Oikawa frowns at him. “Why are you so mean?”

Iwaizumi lets out a sigh. “Aren’t you going to talk to him before you leave?”

Oikawa stares at his best friend, not knowing how to respond to his question. “Iwa-chan,” he says, still confused. “Why are you asking me this?”

Iwaizumi casts him a glare, scowling. “Do you think I’m dumb?” he snaps. Oikawa still does not respond to that, and when he notices his best friend growing quieter by the seconds, he lets out a sigh through his nose. “Look, I know, okay? I’ve always known.”

“W-what?” Oikawa blinks at him once, twice.

“You like Ushijima-san,” Iwaizumi tells him. “I’ve always known.”

Oikawa shakes his head. “No!” he says. “I don’t like him. What the hell are you on, Iwa-chan?”

“Stop lying to yourself, you fucking dumbass!”

“I’m not lying!”

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “I see the way you look at him, you know?” he states, shifting on his feet. The air is cold against their skin, harsh against the redness of their cheeks. Oikawa sighs at the warmth of the sun hitting the side of his face. “I... I know you may not admit it, but you like him. Despite your anger, it’s clear that you feel more for him. It’s just your pride getting in the way.”

“I don’t understand-“

“You’re scared of your feelings for Ushijima,” Iwaizumi tells him. “You’re scared of admitting your feelings because you feel like all your efforts might amount to nothing once you give in.”

Oikawa continues to stare at his best friend.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

Oikawa bites on his lower lip. “Iwa-chan...”

“I know you like the back of my hand,” Iwaizumi sighs and turns to look at the scenery in front of them once again. The setting sun is almost gone now. “And I also hope you know that it’s alright if you give in to your feelings. Pride is important, but sometimes it’s more important to let go of it every once in a while.”

“I don’t want to get hurt...”

“I think that part is unavoidable, don’t you think?”

Oikawa sighs.

Pain, indeed, is inevitable, he realizes later on upon finding peace for the first time in years. The recent victory of the Argentinian team still hung in the air thickly from within the Olympic village, and the gold medal now hiding inside Oikawa’s assigned room stays as a reminder of his final victory against is opponents. He feels elated, he feels proud. But his heart, once again thumping loudly within his chest, begs for the same thing despite its years of trying to heal.

_Protect your heart._

“Why did you leave?”

Oikawa meets the same pair of olive eyes he has grown to despise. After almost a decade of separation, he wonders why his heart still whistles for the same wind to flow against their direction. Ushijima still looks as ruthless as ever, taller now and fiercer than before. In Oikawa’s eyes, he is still the same man he once saw through his foolishness as a child. The same man he had so desperately tried to keep at bay, until their lips have met and he slowly came to realize the thin line separating love from hate.

Oikawa tries to push past him, his knees now slowly trembling. The hallways are now void of staff and athletes alike as all finally succumbed into deep slumber for the night.

Ushijima steps aside and blocks Oikawa’s path. “Answer me.”

Oikawa glares at him, an eyebrow raising in mockery. “I do not owe you any explanation.”

“Bullshit,” Ushijima grits his teeth. He towers slightly over Oikawa. “Tell me.”

Oikawa shakes his head and turns away from him, the sounds of his erratic heart beat drumming against his ears. Loud. Way too loud. When he tries to take another step past Ushijima, the latter grabs his wrist and pulls him in, capturing his lips in the heat of the moment, their mouths molding perfectly against each other as years and years of desperation finally flowed out from within them.

Protect your heart, Oikawa seems to whisper to himself as he feels the soft mattress against his back, his hands roaming everywhere but his own skin as Ushijima hovered over him, their lips still intertwined with each other, gasping and pleading desperately for more. Protect your heart, their shadows pleaded as Oikawa lost every bit of sanity he has left. Ushijima pulls at his hips, gripping him enough to leave his marks.

“Wakatoshi,” Oikawa whispers, quiet against the dim lights surrounding them, pooling at their feet and lightly touching the corners of their skin. “Please...”

Ushijima lowers his kisses against Oikawa’s neck, pressing his lips gently against the crevices of his jaw, biting and sucking and decorating his tanned skin with nothing but purple bruises all over. Oikawa presses his body closer to him, whimpering as Ushijima runs his tongue along the side of his neck. Ushijima pulls away from him, and for a second, time seemed to have stopped for the both of them. Olive and brown, like autumn and spring. Ushijima’s eyes are deep and alluring under the dark.

Slowly, Oikawa lifts his hand to run his finger across Ushijima’s cheek, seemingly terrified of his own feelings and how hs heart is now whispering to him nothing but words of encouragement. In his wildest dreams, he sees Ushijima with him. In his darkest secrets, he hopes to have Ushijima by his side.

A love so strong it could rival the heart, and a love so deep, it shall stay for a lifetime.

When cold air hits their feverish skin, and all Oikawa could see is the way Ushijima gripped the sides of his hips, only then does he realize the rawness of his feelings and how terrifying they really are. There is a thin line between love and hate, and sometimes love can be mistaken as hate all together. For years, Oikawa have learned to love Ushijima amidst the times when he wished silently for his victory to come.

Oikawa gasps, bucking his hips when Ushijima inserts two fingers inside, his face contorting in deep pleasure as the latter adds another one, pushing in knuckles deep against his core. Ushijima watches, enamored, when Oikawa comes undone at the seams. _Beautiful._

He leans down to capture his lips in a kiss. “I love you,” he tells him, steady and quiet under the dim lights caressing their golden skin. “I love you,” he repeats, over and over again like a mantra.

Oikawa gasps as the first push, clawing at Ushijima’s back as their bodies molded into one, damp sweat sticking against their skin like the endless flowing of a waterfall. Every push and pull, every moans and gasps swallowed by hungry kisses, they all existed only for them to consume. Protect your heart, the winds whistled, always protect your heart.

When they finished, and the heat has subsided into a light throb. Oikawa sits awake at the edge of the bed, still naked under the white sheets, his muscles still trembling against the coldness of the room. He turns to look at Ushijima’s sleeping figure and lets his eyes memorize every corners of his face. In his wildest dreams, this is what he sees.

But pain – pain is inevitable. Pain is permanent. And so, when dawn finally arrived, with sunlight peeking through the curtains of the room in solitude, Oikawa dresses himself quietly. Pain may be permanent, but it can still be avoided. He will protect his heart at all cost.

Ushijima wakes up to an empty room, the scent of Oikawa still lingering on his skin.

He wishes this never happened.

**Author's Note:**

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